June was a diverse month. It seems that it has been heavily focused on graduations - I graduated, Jason's sister graduated, and I hosted my own graduation party a few weekends ago! It has truly been a month of celebration. Amidst all of the celebrations, I have been touched by the kindness in my life. I am so thankful for my friends, family, and those closest to me. Yes, this month was certainly great at times, but it was also filled with emotion - pain, sadness, loss, and tragedy.
One of my greatest friends from my time at college passed away tragically early on in the month. It was a shock, and I am still unable to fully believe/comprehend what has happened. She and I were extremely close during our first year of college and spent nearly every day together. She was a light in my life and taught me so much about how to be a kind, non-judgmental person. I will always know her as a funny, extremely inquisitive, and joyful person. Since her passing, I have had plenty of time to remember the wonderful things that we did together, and it has sparked so many memories which faded from my present mind. What an emotional thing, to be reminded of such happiness because of such sadness.
A loss like this has forced me to re-evaluate my own life and to truly realize what is important to me, and what things really do not matter. For this reason, my wishlist this month is not comprised of physical goods, but rather things that I wish to improve upon in my character. Here are some goals of mine - a letter to my self, if you will.
I wish to improve upon:
1. Staying Connected.
While this may seem obvious, keeping in touch with friends is extremely important. However, in my personal opinion, it is important to invest your time into those who truly care about you and your friendship. Individuals in your life who don't appreciate your friendship or your time may not be worth it. Allow yourself to make those distinctions, even though it is sometimes very difficult. Stay connected with those who care, truly.
2. Knowing Self Value.
A lot of the time you can get caught up in your life, your routine, without taking time to re-evaluate your happiness - your state of self. Are you doing the things that make you happy or are you playing the role in which society has assigned you? Know that you and your true happiness are much more important than what society thinks of you. I have particularly been struggling with the 'career' which I want to pursue. As a recent graduate, sometimes I feel that I would be a failure if I do not pursue something academic, or something in my field. As many of us graduates know, it is nearly impossible these days to find work in the actual field/expertise that we are trained. Through this struggle, I have returned to my true creative passion, which is not at all linked to anthropology in any way, but has reminded me of my value. I find my greatest joy taking photographs, of people mostly, and in doing so, I have indeed returned to a state of self affirmation - allowing myself to recognize my value.
3. Being Thankful.
Sometimes, it is easy to forget how lucky we are. I am lucky to be alive, in good health, and living with a roof over my head. Earlier on this month, I found myself 'wanting' a lot of things. This is typical for me, and probably for most people. Like my previous wishlists, I had a list of things I wanted to have in my possession. While this is not necessarily a bad thing, this time around, I was faced with the reality that simply having things are not really the key to happiness. I am sure we all know this in the back of our minds, but especially because of the recent circumstances, I was especially reminded of this. I decided to clean out my closet, donate some clothes, and re-purpose some of the items which I had. This actually brought me quite a bit of joy, more than I expected. It felt really good to be happy with what I already had, rather than going out and spending money on things I may not truly appreciate. Jason has been a really big help with allowing this realization of my 'thankfulness' to bloom. He has always been a humble man, and has helped me to become more and more thankful for the life, and things I have. So, not only am working on being thankful for the 'things' in my life, I am also working on being more and more thankful for the people in my life.
Though this is not a typical post of mine, I appreciate all of you who have taken the time to read it! Many of us are struggling with different things in our lives, and for me, dealing with loss, especially of a friend, is extremely difficult. I am no where close to being healed or having closure. I am channeling my drive, and emotions into fulfilling this months wishlist. Working on these things will only bring positivity to my life.
Thank you so much for reading,